I’m fortunate to have a supportive and active Mum. We enjoy spending time together walking and cycling. We go camping and traveling together, and sometimes do other outdoor activities like kayaking. Mum is currently working on getting her motorbike licence and wants to take up running for fitness to prepare for a dogsledding trip in the US next year so hopefully we will soon also be able to do those things together (the motorcycling and running … I’m unlikely to be able to do any dogsledding here in the subtropics).
This morning Mum and I went walking together in the bush near my home. We completed the 5km single track loop that I was running before I was injured. I enjoyed the walk and the company. It was good to have a chance to talk with Mum. To hear what she’s been up to and to tell her about my frustrations at being injured for so long.
See, I’m starting to struggle with the frustration of being unable to run and cycle. On Monday it will be three months since the City to Surf Marathon in Perth and I’ve really not been able to run since then. At first it was okay because I could still swim and cycle. But for the past four weeks I’ve not even been able to do that due to the SIJ injury. And it’s starting to get to me. I can’t get rid of the energy that builds up inside me. I can’t release the tension that builds after a day in the office. I feel like screaming because I can’t release the energy through running. And it’s becoming difficult to keep the old depression and anxiety away. It’s becoming more challenging to resist the compulsive behaviours I was replacing with healthy behaviours like running and cycling.
Sure, I can walk and I enjoy walking. But it’s not an activity that provides the same release of energy. It is nice cross-training and preparation for running but it doesn’t provide the sensation of wind blowing through what little hair I have left on my head or of sweat dripping from my brow. I am hopeful that I’m only 2-3 weeks away from running again and I’m trying to keep my eye on the prize. But some days are just plain darn tough! Sometimes I get tired of working at staying positive and pretending everything’s okay when really it’s not.
I’m feeling a little sore this morning and know this is adding to my frustration. I know I will feel better later in the week when I don’t have to sit in my office chair all day because that will be easier on my back. But today I’m feeling frustrated and anxious about how I will get through this next few weeks of relative inactivity. All I know is that I’m going to be celebrating when the physio gives me a program that lets me start running again.
I know this period of healing will be worth it because I am developing positive habits like stretching, trigger pointing and pilates exercises. I know I will be a better runner for it. I know I am young and that this season of healing will benefit me for decades to come. So I am trying to focus on those positives to get me through the frustration.
Total: 5km trail walk