Get me off this *&%^ing roundabout!

All I’m going to say is that after a weekend without back pain, I have come home from work today in so much pain that it hurt to get changed out of my work clothes.

I am fed up with this roundabout of hope and pain! And I am even more fed up with writing / moaning about it.

I no longer know what to do about it. I am going broke paying for weekly physio and am frustrated that it isn’t fixing the problem. I can’t keep up this lack of exercise because my increasingly flabby stomach and tight pants is upsetting me.

I desperately want to stay positive but right now I am depressed, angry, frustrated and totally demotivated. Some days I just want to go out there and be self destructive. I want to go out and thrash myself on my bike or running and really do an injury. I mean, if doing the right thing isn’t fixing this injury then what harm can thrashing myself do.

I realise this is just stupid so I won’t do it. But it’s just my way of saying I’ve had enough. So until it’s fixed, I’m going to stop blogging because I’m sick to death of writing about it. I want to keep my blog and writing positive. But I’m so fed up, tired and frustrated that I have reached my limit.

So until my back is better, stay safe out there and have fun. I’m going to try to focus on something other than exercise for a while in the hope it takes my mind off things.

 

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9 responses to “Get me off this *&%^ing roundabout!

  1. Frustrating, I hear you…yoga?

    • Yoga could be an option. I might talk with the doctor about it tomorrow. I’ve never really connected with yoga but maybe it would be a good option for developing some core strength and stretching. Though I am more connected with tai chi so maybe there’s a tai chi class near my home. And tai chi is really good for movement too. Hmmm …

  2. You always seem so positive, but sometimes it’s just good to vent. One of the things I admire about you is your ability to adapt and find the positive side in things. Hang in there brother, I know it’s got to be frustrating, but you’ll find the good side in this too.

    • Thanks Billi. There is a good side to this but I’m just too close to find it yet πŸ˜‰ . I have the next 2 days off work to try to look after my body. I’m going to work on a plan. I think I need to start by resting and changing some of the behaviour and thought patterns that have crept in this past few months. And then I can start rebuilding. I follow the seasons and try to listen to their change. Spring ended on Friday and it’s now the southern hemisphere summer. That means I need to change something after being in injury mode since late August.

      I think a short break from blogging for a week or two will help me refocus. It’s a small behaviour change but after blogging for a whole year (I started my blog last December) it’s probably good to pull myself together. The rest will do my body good too πŸ˜‰ . Because I’m so keen to get back into active living … Cycling to work, mountain biking and training for adventure racing. Not to mention being fit enough to think about some crazy adventures (I have some in mind πŸ˜‰ )

  3. The best way to help yourself is to help others. If your mind is in a bad place don’t try to fix it, it will fix itself while you are living a productive life. Is there any charity/volunteer work you think you would like to try? (I’m only trying to help)

    • I appreciate the advice Pete. I have been down that road in the past. I have done more volunteer hours than most people have roast dinners. Just 10 days ago I was helping with the Variety Santa Fun Run. While it’s fun at the time, volunteering is just a little one-off feel-good. It doesn’t help me the rest of the hours in the week when I’m in pain.

      It’s the physical injury that is frustrating me. It causes me to be in physical pain. I was starting to get better but the injury has flared up again, which is frustrating. There’s just no end in sight right now and I’m scared.

      I’m just going to take a break from blogging until I feel better.

  4. So sorry it’s taking so long to get back to where you want to be. Sometimes it just takes longer than we expect. Hang in there.

    • It is a question of time hey. But the reality is that it’s a relatively short period of time given that I hope to live to at least to the average age for men in Australia (83 years). So what’s half a year. The St John’s Wart is definitely helping though … As is time at home with my partner.

      I’m off to a specialist this afternoon. It’ll cost me about $200 just for the initial consult but hopefully he can help me.

  5. Pingback: A cute mascot for my trip | Transventure

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